Imagine a woman so desperate to escape her abusive husband that she vanished with her family, leaving no trace. This is the incredible story of Karen Palmer, a woman who took matters into her own hands and embarked on a daring journey to freedom.
In the summer of 1989, Karen, along with her new husband and two young daughters, embarked on a bold escape plan. With a used car packed with their belongings, they left Los Angeles, leaving no clues behind. No one, not even her mother or closest friends, knew where they were headed.
"I remember the day vividly," Karen recalls. "It was a mix of fear and excitement, my heart pounding as we drove into the unknown."
Karen was fleeing from Gil, her ex-husband and the father of her two daughters, Erin and Amy. She chose Boulder, Colorado, nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, as their new home, a place Gil would never think to look.
"I've always lived near the coast, drawn to the ocean's calm. Gil wouldn't expect me to go inland," she explains.
The family started a new life under assumed identities, with no ID, references, or papers to link them to their past. They changed their names, forged documents, found jobs, a home, and a school for the girls. It was a DIY witness protection program, and it worked.
Gil never found them.
But here's where it gets controversial...
Karen began to question her decision over the next two decades. "I spent 20 years doubting myself, wondering if I had done the right thing. It's a huge step to take a man's children away. It's the ultimate betrayal," she confesses.
Was it an overreaction? How real was the danger? Could she have stayed and fought for a legal solution? These are the questions Karen's memoir, "She's Under Here," aims to answer.
Throughout her relationship with Gil, Karen never heard terms like "domestic abuse," "coercive control," or "gaslighting."
"Courts and law enforcement still struggle to take these issues seriously. But 35 years ago, we didn't even have the language to describe it," she says.
Karen's vulnerability was evident from the start. She was an adopted only child, raised in a difficult home with an alcoholic father.
At 16, she became pregnant by a teenage boyfriend and gave up her baby for adoption. It was a painful experience, and she found solace in an older man, Gil, her boss at an office supply firm. He was charismatic, impulsive, and wild, a functioning alcoholic who was never faithful.
Their marriage lasted 14 years, marked by Gil's bullying and belittling. He isolated Karen from friends and kept her under tight control.
"There was an undercurrent of control, and the normal days were interrupted by moments of intense fear and stress," Karen recalls.
In one terrifying incident, Gil pointed a loaded gun at Karen's pregnant belly. In another, he locked her in a broom cupboard and took the children out for the day, turning it into a sick game.
When Karen finally left Gil, she began a relationship with their close friend Vinnie. But Gil's fury only intensified. He stalked Karen, threatened to kill her and Vinnie, and terrorized them with bizarre acts of violence.
The police were unhelpful, and the divorce lawyers seemed charmed by Gil. Arresting him would have brought him straight to Karen's door, and a restraining order would have been laughed off.
It was a kidnapping that pushed Karen to her limits. Gil took their three-year-old daughter, Amy, during a custody exchange, and disappeared with her. He dyed her hair, cropped it short, and disguised her as a boy.
"It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. This time, a maniac had taken my daughter," Karen says.
After 10 days, Gil called, and Karen begged and pleaded for Amy's return. He agreed but only if Karen left Vinnie. She agreed, and the handover took place on a San Francisco street corner.
The recording of that phone call is chilling. Gil's words are a window into his disturbed mind:
"You can see how easy it was for me to take her? I could do it again and again. Wake up to reality! ... I don't care who's looking for me. Do you have the police there now? No, you know better. I'd just get violent... Until you kill somebody. Then they listen to you. I'm telling you, I've been absolutely insane. Suicidal, maniacal. I hate. I am full of hate... I either have to kill somebody and get it over with, or I get my way..."
And this is the part most people miss...
Karen's escape and reinvention were made possible by the absence of modern technology.
"You couldn't do what we did now. There was no internet, no social media. Each state managed its records independently," she explains.
In Boulder, they adopted the surname Palmer, with the girls keeping their first names. Karen's birth name, Kerry, became Karen, and Vinnie switched his first and middle names. They took new driving tests and secured new licenses.
"We were just a regular family on the block," Karen says.
Vinnie found work restoring furniture, and Karen became a graphic designer. Amy has no memory of Gil, but Erin, who was seven at the time, kept the secret safe.
Writing her memoir was a challenging process, but it helped Karen exorcise her demons.
"I don't feel angry at Gil anymore. I feel pity for him that he ruined his life. It was all so unnecessary," she reflects.
Gil died in 2008, and Karen only learned of his passing years later. He spent his final years in and out of jail for various offenses.
Karen and Vinnie now live back in LA, and their daughters are in other states. Vinnie officially adopted the girls at their request, solidifying their tight-knit family unit.
"He is, without a doubt, the love of my life. It was a wartime romance. Nothing could pull us apart after that," Karen says.
Changing her identity gave Karen a new lease on life, and she's been surprised by the response to her book. Many women have shared their own stories of abuse and the desire to start anew.
"There's a whole sisterhood of women who come and tell me what happened to them. All kinds of women have said, 'I wish I could do that. If only I could.'"
Karen's story is a powerful reminder that sometimes, the only way out is to disappear and start over. It's a controversial choice, but for some, it's the only way to find freedom and a new beginning.
